The Bachelor, Season 20, Week 2: Tractors and Zombies

Episode Recap

I hope you're all enjoying your unproductive Monday evenings as much as I am!

Can I get a slow clap for Kimberly? Karen A. is the ONLY person that took a gamble on Kimberly last week. It looks like it paid off big for you this week!

I paused Mackenzie's one-on-one time with Chris three times. The big nose comment, the conversation about aliens, admitting that you haven't been on a date in a long time, and then dropping the kid bomb? Come on, now... On a serious note, her hair looks significantly better straight. Am I right?!

Megan isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, is she? She thought the date card was a love note? Um, has she ever SEEN this show?

I would have left the show after the zombie limo. But not Ashley S.; she just walks straight into that group of zombies like she owns the place. She shouldn't be trusted with a gun. Ever. She sees things in bushes. She wants to play hide-and-seek with a grown-ass farmer.

Bachelor Nation Poll: Does "Juelia" sound anything like "Jillian" to you? I wanted to crawl into a hole and die for her.

On a side note, does anyone else think that Trina looks like Leslie Burke from Saved By The Bell: The College Years?

Quoted

"The date card said show me your country. I'm more Kardashian than I am country." -Ashley I.

"And then there was this motorcycle helmet. Just to make sure the helmet is safe, I rammed my head into the brick wall." -Megan

"Oh, she also ran her head into the refrigerator, and to the wood, and to the bricks." -Jillian

"The fact that she's talking about aliens on a first date does raise a few red flags for me." -Chris

"Death is zero amount romantic." -Jillian

"I feel like I'm in the mesa verde." -Ashley S., professional dead zombie assassin

"Cheers to Jordan. She's drunk tonight, she was drunk yesterday, she was drunk the day before, she's gonna be drunk tomorrow." -Mackenzie

"Your leather smells really great."-Ashley S.

Points

I took it upon myself to update one of the point categories because it's just not fair that dancing with Chris isn't worth a few points. As of 1/13/15, we have added in 5 points for dancing with Chris and made attending a concert worth 5 points as well. I've retroactively added 5 points for Kaitlyn from week 1's episode featuring some awkward breakdancing. And no, I didn't pick her, so it's a completely unselfish change to make.

Our wildcard points were awarded to the first lady to be bleeped for inappropriate language. Congratulations, Becca! She really earned those 20 points for saying "shit" in the limo when the zombies streaked past.

Here are how the points went down during last night's episode:

Alissa: 10 points

• Being selected to go on on a group date (10 points)

Amber: 45 points

• Being selected to go on on a group date (10 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Ashley I.: 45 points

• Being selected to go on on a group date (10 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Ashley S.: 35 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Becca: 55 points

• Wildcard Points Winner: first contestant to be bleeped tonight (20 points)
• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Britt: 70 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Carly: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Jade: 35 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Jillian: 65 points

• Having a body point blurred out at any point (30 points)
• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Jordan: 20 points

• Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)

Juelia: 85 points

• Mentions her kid (5 points)
• Mentions a previous husband (10 points)
• Mentions a deceased loved one (10 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)
• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Kaitlyn: 50 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
• Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)

Kelsey: 35 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Kimberly: 65 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Giving Chris a gift (mini-cactus) (5 points)
• Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)

Mackenzie: 60 points

• Talking about her kid (5 points)
• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
• Dancing with Chris (5 points)
• Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)

Megan: 80 points

• Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
• Going on a picnic (5 points)
• Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
• Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Nikki: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Samantha: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Tandra: 10 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

Tara: 35 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)

Tracy: 35 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Trina: 35 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Whitney: 30 points

• Giving Chris a gift (bottle of whisky) (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

After last night's episode, Jill B. is in first place with 480 points, David A. is in second place with 470 points, and Dan S. is in third place with 445 points. Congrats!

If it looks like I missed something, please let me know!

The Bachelor, Season 20, Week 1: The Grown-Ass Farmer

Episode Recap

Wow, that first episode was a doozy! I feel less intelligent for having watched it. I took notes about the episode to recap here, but most of them are horribly inappropriate, so I'll try to keep it clean here. Did anyone else notice how many names are spelled incorrectly? Let me draw your attention to Alissa, Juelia, Reegan, And Kale, really?

I know that most of you feel my pain because several of you still haven't finished the episode. We have lots of pregnant ladies, sick ladies, and ladies with newborns at home, so we're all watching it at our own pace. As soon as I get everyone's final 3 picks, I'll send out the standings. Some of you are really gambling!

Cody-Code lingering in the corn fields was a little creepy, right? I know that Chris has to be in shape, but that was just too much for me. The obligatory tractor-riding, vacant building-sitting, and beer-drinking shots were inevitable, and I can almost predict the editing formula of each episode. "Okay, zoom in on her face and she sits under a tree in her hometown pondering life, then cut to the scene where she's happy at work, and then end with the shot of her running and pausing on the bridge to soak up this amazing opportunity she has at finding love."It's predictable, yet we all still choose to watch. At least we all have each other, right?

I love that they decorated the set with sunflowers instead of roses. I thought it was a nice country touch. I selfishly hope that we get lots of other country life thrown into this season. Maybe we can see Tara bring some respect back to the country girls of the world.

Let's chat for a moment about the red carpet. It was like an awkward middle school dance: everyone was taking selfies, standing within the camera's view, texting, wearing ridiculous outfits, and pretending like they were having really in-depth and meaningful conversations. We've seen enough of some of them after Bachelor Pad and Bachelor in Paradise, and they just need to move on with their lives. I hope they don't do that for the finale. I don't think I can stomach all of that again.

We can all look forward to a romp in a tent, some medical attention, girls that refuse to accept rejection, crying, fun facts about onions, lots of farming puns, and more crying. Can't wait!

Quoted

"Love is a lot like farming; you plant a seed, you hope it grows. Sometimes, the weather isn't always on your side, but, with a little bit of luck, something beautiful can come from it." -Chris Soules

"I wish I was a polygamist." -Chris Soules

"I think that love can feel a lot like flying. You know, because, when you're up, you're up, and you feel amazing, and you feel like you're just kind of soaring through the clouds, and you're on top of the world." -Alissa

"First of all, it's really hard to have a relationship that's, like, seen in the public eye." -Nikki

"We are definitely planning this year. Hopefully, in the summer time. Um, we're a little 80/40 on the exact date right now."-Lacey

"His smile? It's just a panty-dropper." -Amanda

"You can plow the fuck out of my field any day." -Kaitlyn

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he wanted to find a tight seal." -Kaitlyn

"Is alfalfa organic?" -Mackenzie

"I do not love that there's a million bitches inside this house right now." -Jordan

Points

THIS WEEK'S WILDCARD POINT CATEGORY: the first girl to make a farming pun gets 20 points!

Alissa: 30 points

• Giving Chris a gift (a seatbelt) (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Amanda: 5 points

• Gives a gift (note) (5 points)

Note: Our rule for earning points for crying on camera is that we have to see moisture fall. Only saw crocodile tears in Amanda’s large peepers.

Amber: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Ashley I.: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Ashley S.: 40 points

• Giving Chris a gift (a penny) (5 points)
• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Using the phrase “steal Chris away” during said interruption (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (by some miracle) (25 points)

Becca: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Bo: 10 points

• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Using the phrase “steal Chris away” during said interruption (5 points)

Britt (50 points)

• Giving Chris a gift (“free hug” note) (5 points)
• Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)

Brittany: 0 points

Carly: 30 points

• Singing for Chris (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Jade: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Jillian: 30 points

• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Jordan: 35 points

• Giving Chris a gift (mini-whiskey bottles) (5 points)
• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Juelia: 35 points

• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Using the phrase “steal Chris away” during said interruption (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Kaitlyn: 50 points *UPDATED*

• Wildcard Points Winner: First Gal to Make a Pun About Farming (20 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Dancing with Chris (5 points)

Note: We so badly wanted to give her points for dancing with Chris, but we previously specified it had to be at a concert.

Kara: 25 points

• Crying on camera (25 points)

Kelsey: 45 points

• Talking about an ex-husband (10 points)
• Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Kimberly: 0 points (but might be reprising her role next week…)

Note: Kimberly doesn’t get points for interrupting or for saying “steal Chris away” because those rules only apply during one-on-one time

Mackenzie: 30 points

• Talking about her kid (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Megan: 30 points

• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Michelle: 5 points

• Talking about her kid(s) (5 points)

Nicole: 0 points

Nikki: 30 points

• Giving Chris a gift (a heart-shaped rock) (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Reegan: 0 points

Samantha: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Tandra: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Tara (Hammertime): 40 points

• Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Tracy: 30 points

• Giving Chris a gift (the note from her students) (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Trina: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Whitney: 25 points

• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

How is your team shaping up? Who are you hoping will be worth big points for your team? 

Stay tuned for next week!

The Bachelor, Season 20: Prince Farming

Hey, y'all! Welcome to a brand new season of The Bachelor. Season 20 features Chris Soules, AKA Prince Farming, a stylish farmer from Iowa that Andi sent home last year. We've got a great crop of girls for you this season!

Here are some details about how this season's scoring will go. Every Tuesday, I'll send out an updated spreadsheet that details your points for the week, a recap of your points from past weeks, and your grand total. After the finale, we will total up all of your points from the entire season. Third place will get their money back, second place will get triple their money back, and first place will get the rest of the pot. We have 14 teams confirmed at the moment, which means first place will receive just under $200 (the actual amount will be $200 minus the PayPal fees). 

We hope you'll join us for all of the fun!

Mid-season Draft (Brand New!)

This season, our league is trying something new to spice it up. When there are 10 ladies left, you’ll have the option to trade one of your players or replace an ousted player with one of the remaining bachelorettes.

For example, if my team is down to two ladies, I can draft one of the remaining ten to my team for a new total of three active players. Or, if I still have a full team of five, I can trade one of my players for a bachelorette I think has a better chance of winning. Spicy, no?

Points Categories

*UPDATE* It's just not fair that dancing with Chris isn't worth a few points, so as of 1/13/15, we have added in 5 points for dancing with Chris and made attending a concert worth 5 points as well. I've retroactively added 5 points for Kaitlyn from week 1's episode featuring some awkward breakdancing.

You’ll be rewarded for drafting bold contestants but more so for drafting contestants who go the distance. Points are divided into Phrases, Actions, and Roses.

We’ve added a new wildcard point category to keep things fresh throughout the season!

Phrases

• Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
• Talking about her kid (5 points)
• Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
• Talking about an ex-fiance or ex-wife (10 points)
• Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (20 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you” to Chris or “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20 points)
• Saying “I love you” to Chris (30 points)
• Telling Chris that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (30 points)

Actions

• Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Bonus: using the phrase “steal Chris away” during said interruption (5 points)
• Dancing with Chris (5 points) *NEW*
• Attending a concert with Chris (5 points) *NEW*
• Singing/playing an instrument for Chris (5 points)
• Hot tubbing (5 points)
• Giving the Bachelor a gift (5 points)
• Going on a picnic (5 points)
• Must be sitting on the ground
• Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
• Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
• Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
• Needing medical attention at any point (20 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)
• Must actually see moisture fall
• Having a secret boyfriend at home (25 points)
• Having a body part blurred out any point (30 points)
• Only for nudity; having your mouth blurred for profanity doesn’t count
• Leaving the show early on his own accord (30 points)
• Drafting the next Bachelorette on your team (40 points)
• Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)

Roses

• Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points, only available first night)
• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
• Getting the rose on a two-on-one date (40 points)
• Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
• Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
• Refusing the Fantasy Suite (-75 points)
• Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Wildcard Points (Brand New!)
Another addition we’re making this season is a wildcard point category. Each week, we’ll announce the upcoming wildcard category for the week. It will change weekly and is only awarded to one lady per episode. For example, one wildcard category might be: the first lady to be shown on camera in a bikini this week gets 40 points.

The Bachelorette, Season 10: Finale

I'm sad to say that this is our final points update for this season of the Bachelorette. It was a relatively unexciting season, and I really hope that the next bachelor steps up his dates game. Can we please get some more helicopter rides and hot tub action? Here's how our boys did this week:

Josh: 165 points

• Kissing Andi on the lips (10 points)
• Going on a one on one date (20 points)
• Saying “I love you” to Andi (30 points)
• Giving Andi a gift (letter) (5 points)
• Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Nick: 125 points

• Talking about an ex-fiance or ex-wife (10 points)
• Giving Andi a gift (5 points)
• Kissing Andi on the lips (10 points)
• Saying “I love you” to Andi (30 points)
• Going on a one on one date (20 points)
• Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)

We had an 11-way tie for first place for this episode because 11 of us drafted Josh M. on our team. Ashlee was our BIG winner this season with 2,270 points, which just goes to show that you don't have to draft "the chosen one" on your team to swoop up on some points. Selena came in second with 2,120 points, and Ellen came in third with 1,960 points. No one was awarded points for drafting the next bachelor on their team because ABC hasn't announced it yet. I looked at the points, and gaining or missing out on those points wouldn't affect the scoreboard, so I'm crowning the winners of this season before the announcement.

The pot came out to $268.04 after all of the PayPal fees. The payouts are approximately 50% for first place, 35% for second place, and 15% for third place. I rounded up the change for second and third place, and all the rest will go to our big winner. So...Ellen is getting $40, Selena is getting $94, and Ashlee is getting 134.04. Not too shabby, huh?!

We would LOVE to have you join us for the upcoming season of The Bachelor. I am working on some new point categories for next season, so PLEASE submit any ideas you have to peters.est.2012@gmail.com so that I can start a running list. Thanks for playing. See y'all next season!

xoxo

Kristen

The Bachelorette, Season 10, Episode 9: Fantasy Suites

Poor Farmer Chris...I was sad to see him go. He's been one of my favorites since day 1 when I read the bios. He wasn't a good fir for Andi, but I think he'd be just perfect for my BFF Selena. Planes fly to Iowa so that I could go visit, right?!

Here's how the points added up this week:

Chris – 90 points (It’s going to be a lonely tractor ride home)

• Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (2o points)
• Kissing Andi on the lips (10 points)
• Going on a picnic (5 points)
• Saying “I love you” to Andi (30 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)

Josh – 160 points

• Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (2o points)
• Kissing Andi on the lips (10 points)
• Saying “I love you” to Andi (30 points)
• Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Nick – 190 points

• Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (2o points)
• Kissing Andi on the lips (10 points)
• Riding in a helicopter (1o points)
• Talking about an ex-fiance (10 points)
• Going on a picnic (5 points)
• Giving Andi a gift (5 points)
• Saying “I love you” to Andi (30 points)
• Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Ashlee's team brought in the most points this week at 280, and there was a three-way tie for second for Selena, Ellen and Kristen's teams, all racking up 250 points each. Ashlee sure lucked out with Nick this season!

For our season overall, Ashlee is in the lead with 2145 points, Selena is in second place with 1955 points, and Ellen is in third place with 1,795 points.

Are you ready for the Men Tell All next week?! It's gonna be a doozy!!!

The Bachelorette, Season 10, Episode 8: Hometowns

Didn't last night's ending just break your heart?! I can completely sympathize with Andi's guilt as she recalled her last conversation with Eric. I loved how Marcus shared his appreciation for his older brother with his brother also. Sometimes, we forget to tell those closest to us how much they mean to us, and we never know when someone will leave our lives. I was happy to see that Andi and the remaining 4 bachelors all met together at Chris Harrison's house to receive the news. There's no good way to segment here, so...

Here's how the points added up this week:

Chris – 45 points

• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Going on a picnic (5 points)
• Giving Andi a gift (the plane with the banner message) (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay on another week (25 points)

Josh – 80 points

• Saying “I’m falling in love with her” to the camera (20 points)
• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Marcus – 65 points (time to retire that sailor suit)

• Saying “I love you” to Andi (30 points)
• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)

Nick – 85 points

• Saying “I’m falling for you” to Andi (20 points)
• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Dancing at a concert (5 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

This week, Ashlee's team scored the most points at 195, and there was a two-way tie for second place at 190 points for Ellen and Selena. For the season overall, Ashlee is STILL in the lead with 1865 points, Selena is trailing just behind her at 1705 points, and there's a two-way tie for third place between Ellen and Jessica, both with 1545 points.

Okay, fantasy suites, let’s see what you've got! Our only hope of taking over the lead next week is having Nick refuse the fantasy suite.

The Bachelorette, Season 10, Episode 7: Pickle Juice

Is that a pickle in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?! I can't believe we're almost at hometown dates! This has been a pretty boring season so far. Andi just wants to EXPLOOOOOOOOORE, so we are really missing out on some hot tub and helicopter points. Nick is the only real drama that's left, but since the guys won't be spending any more time together, I think we've seen the last of it. I hope you all watched last night's episode until the very end. That scene with Brian and pickles was so darn funny! Here's how the gentlemen did last night:

Brian – 30 points (warm up the bus, coach)

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you”  to Andi (20 points)
  • Note: I was waiting for moisture and it never really materialized on his cheeks. Damn you, Brian, I could’ve used those crying on camera points!

Chris – 115 points

• Being selected go go on a group date (10 points)
• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you” to Andi (20 points)
• Getting the rose to stay on another week (25 points)
• Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)

Dylan – 40 points (taking his ponytail back to New England)

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Using the phrase “steal Andi away” during group date (5 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)

Josh – 130 points

• Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you” to Andi (20 points)
• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Dancing at a concert (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)

Marcus – 130 points

• Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you” to Andi (20 points)
• Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)

Nick – 145 points

• Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you” to Andi (20 points)
• Kissing Andi (10 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)
• Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
• Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)

This week, Ashlee's team racked up the most points at 420, Selena came in second with 415 points, and Ellen's team scored her 375 points. Overall for the season, Ashlee is in first place with 1670 points, Selena is in second place with 1515 points, and Jessica is in third place with 1400 points. Don't lose hope y'all...we still have The Men Tell All, so your favorite bachelors will return and rack up some more points for you.

See y'all next week!