Friday, January 1, 2016

The Bachelor, Season 20: League Handbook


BACHELOR, SEASON 20
#perfectben

Are you all ready for episode 1 of The Bachelor, Season 20, on Monday?! I sure am. I’ve got my spreadsheets ready to go, and I’m excited to see what the producers have in store for us.

I’ve decided to change up the format of our fantasy league* this season. It might not be for everyone, so I’m going to outline some of the changes so that you can see if it’s your cup of tea. Or merlot. Or liquid cocaine.

What’s new?

I AM GOING TO TELL YOU WHO WINS, WHO GETS CANNED THE FIRST NIGHT, WHO MAKES IT THROUGH TO THE SECOND HALF OF THE SEASON, AND WHO GETS ALL THE WAY TO HOMETOWNS. Does the thought of knowing all of this upfront make you lose faith in humanity? Do you enjoy watching each episode to see who doesn’t get a rose as we all watch the bachelor’s quest for true love? If so, this season’s fantasy league might not be for you.

What do I need to do?

1. Send Kristen your $20 league dues by THIS Sunday night (1/3) at 9pm.
2. Watch episode 1 on Monday night on ABC.
3. Choose 5 girls from my list to make up your team* by next Saturday night (1/9) at 9pm.

That’s it! You don’t even have to watch the rest of the season if you don’t want to. And if you don’t want to read past this, you don’t have to do that either. I’ll email you and bug you when I need something from you.

*What’s the difference between a team, group, and league?

Here are some working definitions for this season:

·      group: group refers to the three groups that the girls are divided into (group domestic, group international, group hometown)
o   example: Kristen put the girls into groups according to when they get kicked off.
·      team: team refers to you and the five girls that you have chosen for the season; think of yourself as the coach of your team
o   example: Amy chose 5 girls for her team.
·      league: league refers to all of us participating in this fantasy league, and includes (but it not limited to) the commissioner (Kristen), members (you fabulous people), your girls on your team, and the wine and/or coffee that you drink while watching the show
o   Example: Joining this league is the best life decision I’ve ever made.

When will I get the list of girls?

I will email out the list of girls on Monday. You can print it out and have it by your side to help you choose your team of girls. I’ve left enough room for you to take notes if you’re psycho like me. They are listed in no particular order in the groups, so names at the top don’t mean they are getting canned any earlier or later than other names in the list.

How do I choose my girls?

I will send out a reminder email about choosing girls, and you can reply to that. Please reply to the email so that I can keep track of everyone’s girls in one place. The girls are divided into groups*, and you will pick a specified number from each group. To help you pick a great team of girls, you can also read the bios on ABC’s website (we all know how misleading THOSE can be), look up spoilers, and pay EXTRA special attention to the trailer at the end of episode 1. As soon as you hear Chris Harrison say, “Coming up, on THIS season on the Bachelor…,” pay special attention to the preview. Look for girls that are on one-on-one dates, girls that go on fancy group dates, and the girl(s) that can’t stop crying. Those are your money-makers, right there.

How do you keep track of the points for each girl?

I have paper episode trackers for each girl. I tally up their points, and at the end of the episode, I add up the points for the night. Every girl gets a point value for every episode. I don’t send these out because I do these by hand. If you want to print one out for your girls and keep track with me, feel free. If a girl does something to earn points, she only gets points for the first time that it happens. For example, if she kisses Ben on the mouth 4 times during the episode (WHORE!), she only gets points for the first time.

What do I do if I think my girl(s) earned more points than you have calculated?

If you think I made a mistake with my points, shoot me an email and tell me what your girl did to earn points (kissed Ben on the mouth at 37 minutes, talked about an ex boyfriend at 1 hour 12 minutes, etc). I’ll see what I have, and we can reconcile.

How do you keep track of the points for each team? For the league?

After I calculate each girl’s points for the night, I add it into my spreadsheet. I have a list of girls along the left side, and all of your names along the top. I highlight the cells for the girls that you choose. When I fill in points for a girl, I add them into all of the cells that are highlighted. The cells then auto-sum in Excel for each team for the episode. I email out this spreadsheet during the week, and you can see everyone’s points for the week. Before the next week’s episode, I record your total points for the episode under your name, delete the previous week’s points, and get ready to do the whole thing all over again. At the bottom of the spreadsheet, you will see your episode totals with an auto-sum at the bottom for the whole season. IF NONE OF THAT MAKES SENSE, WAIT UNTIL I EMAIL OUT MY FIRST SPREADSHEET.

Are we doing a mid-season drop-and-draft like last season?

No, we are not doing a drop-and-draft this season. Last season, doing this allowed us to swap out a girl once we got to know the girls a little better. All it really did was make the teams more homogenous, and if you were already trailing in points by episode 4, there was no way you were going to be able to catch up. I separated the girls into groups according to when they get the boot, so everyone will have 2 girls that make it to hometowns, and two girls that make it to the second half of the season. Hopefully, this will make it more fun as the league leader changes every week and is up for grabs (fingers crossed).

Are you scoring the Women Tell All (WTA) episode?

Yes, there will be a separate scoring guide for the WTA episode. You can see the point categories at the bottom of the episode tracker. Keep this in mind when you choose your girls.

How do we win money and prizes?

The team with the lowest score of the season will earn their money back. The team with the third highest score will earn double their money back, the team with the second highest score will earn triple their money back, and the team with the highest score will win what if leftover after the losers are paid out and the prizes are paid for. If I spend $40 on prizes for the season, and I need $120 to pay 2nd/3rd/last place, that means that I need 12 teams to be able to pay the winner $80. Every member in excess of 12 just adds to the pot. Last season, we had about 30 teams. I’ve got 44 people in my email group, so our grand prize depends on who signs up and pays.

How do I send you money?

The easiest way for you to send me money is through PayPal. You can gift me $20 (if you send it as a gift, no fees are taken out) by sending it to peters.est.2012@gmail.com. I keep all of the money in the account, and from there, I can very easily send you your winnings. If you don’t have PayPal, or if you absolutely don’t want to do it that way, here are some alternatives:

1. If you know someone else in the league that is using PayPal, give them $20 and have them include your dues in their gift. Just make sure to include a note so that I know who the money is from.

2. You can hand me cash or mail me a check and I’ll keep it in an envelope here. If one of the winners is local, I can use that for part of their earnings. This involves me adding another errand to my to do list, so it’s not preferred. But if doing this means you won’t miss out this season, then I am willing to do this for you. I know, I’m the best.

But, what if…

I knoooow, you guys…they keep changing things up on us. Last season of the Bachelorette, they started with two girls and let the guys choose who they wanted the bachelorette to be. Last season of the Bachelor, they added in an extra episode somewhere, girls came back from previous episodes, some weeks didn’t have rose ceremonies, and we realized that there were some point categories that really needed to be added. Because THIS season is going to be the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON OF THE BACHELOR YET, we never know what curveballs are coming our way. Just like being pregnant and preparing for labor/delivery and a newborn, we can’t plan everything. Childbirth, the bottles of wine excluded from the 5-cent wine sale, and the logistics of the Bachelor are all out of our control. I have planned as best as I can, so if something DRAMATIC and CATASTROPHIC happens this season, we’re just going to have to wing it. You have to have faith in me what I will make the best decision on behalf of all of you. We’re in this together. Kristen row the boat ashore, Hallelujaaaaaaaah.

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