Wednesday, January 13, 2016

#perfectben, Episode 2: It's Hot-Wired

Bachelor Nation:

You want to lose weight as part of your new year's resolution? Well then here...get on a treadmill in white shorts, run, and then let this guy that you're trying to date (that's also dating 20 other women) WATCH YOU RUN IN WHITE SHORTS. Oh, that's not bad enough? Well then let's really get wild, here. After you're done, we're going to let him smell you and choose a word to describe your smell. Aloud. In front of all of those other girls and ALL of America. Classy, Ben.

Can we also discuss how BIG Olivia's mouth is? Why is her mouth so big? And why is it always open? I Googled it for you all. You're welcome. Here's what I found about big open mouth smiles:


That confirms it. OLIVIA IS A BIG, WALKING, OPEN-MOUTH-FACED LIAR! If you don't remember just how big her mouth is, rewind your episode back to 23 minutes. 

Kevin Hart and Ice Cube win for the best first date double date ever. Any date that starts off in a hot-wired car, and involves street-bought flowers at a negotiated rate, Hennesey and condoms, involuntary and unfiltered feedback about the questions you're asking your date, and a no-pants party in a public spa sales store is a sign of more good times to follow. The lady in that spa store didn't even know what was going to happen to her at work that day. How did they fill that spa? Do they have a hose in their store? They definitely didn't have a way to drain all that water. I bet the interns (translation: minions that sleep with the producers) had to drain it with buckets. I hope they used that water to water some plants. 

Can we please talk for a minute about the bows that Ben made with Amanda? Did your ovaries do a little happy dance? It's especially cute because he says that kids don't scare him. Oh, really? It just goes to show how much time he's spent with two- and three-year olds. They're the BEST, but they're a lot of work and they should scare you. Let's just pretend like he knows what he's in for and he's still not scared of it.


Favorite Quotes:

"Jackie's not great with her mouth." -Lauren H.

"I want to go talk to Ben, and these bit$#es can suck it." -Lace

//after being asked what their most romantic gesture was for a woman//
  • "I married one." -Ice Cube
  • "I cooked some fried chicken in a crock pot." -Kevin Hart
"Why y'all clappin'? I just started the car - it's hot-wired." -Kevin Hart

//something in English// -Shushanna

"I'm not a smooth operator." -Ben

"If Kelcy and Ashley S. had a baby, it's Lace." -Kris Jenner, talking about the girls from last season
  • CONTESTANT UPDATE: Kelcy is suing the show because of the emotional damage that the show caused her. Shocking, right? Ashley S. is engaged to her college sweetheart. Yes, she went to Auburn, and apparently graduated. They're super cute together. 
League Standings:

As it stands now, Selena T. and Jessica T. are tied for first place, and there's a 6-way tie for third place between Laurie P.,  Karen K., Karen A., Lea M. and Amy W.  Kathy T. is in last place, but I think Leah is going to show up to the party late this season. She obviously does something to really piss off Lace, so I can't wait to watch her debut.

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