#perfectben, episode 11: You're My Person

Bachelor Nation:

Since we all knew who won, we can't say that we were excited to watch this episode to see who he chose to spend the rest of his 6 month bonus time with. Instead, I think we were all waiting in anticipation to see the After the Final Rose episode to see who was going to be the next Bachelorette and watch Jojo confront Ben.

The episode was pretty melancholy, especially with all of that music they played throughout the whole episode. We see clips of an emotionally-conflicted man that is torn between his love for two women. What did you all think about how conflicted he was? Do you think Jojo was a better fit for him?

I haven't seen any deleted scenes, but apparently, Ben's mom made some mention of wishing that Ben had chosen Jojo rather than Lauren. What a way to start your role as mother-in-law, right? Personally, I think he should have chosen Jojo, and I don't think this relationship is going to last. I really like Ben, but I think his picker is a little off.

I'm really excited to see Jojo as the new Bachelorette! I also hope that her brothers are a big part of the show. Did you all see Ben's face drop as they announced Jojo? That means that his backup is off the market, and I don't think he was ready for that.

I also didn't think Lauren looked all that happy on the After The Final Rose episode. Do you think she has regrets? Has she just been bombarded with social media images of Ben and Jojo together and Ben's mom's comments about Jojo? She wasn't as put together as she normally is. Aren't you dying to know what he whispered to her when Chris Harrison was trying to get them to get married on the show?

Season Total Points:

I am putting all of the points for the whole season here so that 1) you can see if they match your records, and 2) (MORE IMPORTANTLY!) you can see how your girls did and how your strategy worked. I'll color code the girls as they appeared on the list (red=domestic group, yellow/orange=international group, green=hometown group) so you can see whether your picks were better spent choosing girls that stayed longer or racked up more points while they were there.

Here are the girls' total season points:

Jackie 20
Mandi 25
Sam 25
Shushanna 45
LB 55
Jami 55
Rachel 75
Jen 85
Amber 115
Leah 145
Lace 165
Haley 175
Lauren H. 190
Jubilee 215
Becca 230
Olivia 330
Emily 330
Amanda 440
Jojo 530
Caila 540

Were there any girls on your team that you switched last minute that you now regret looking at these points? How would you have drafted your team differently? What signs will you look for next season?

League Standings:

Alright, y'all, it happened...I won my own Fantasy League! I should be super happy about it, but it makes my stomach hurt thinking about it (see what I did there?!?!) because I don't want any of you thinking that I skewed the points in my favor. I watch the episodes meticulously, and I have to make some judgement calls when it comes to what is considered point-worthy and what is not consideredpoint-worthy. I usually ere on the side of awarding points because sometimes, things are in the "spirit" of the points. For example, I awarded costume points for the girls that played soccer because, technically, a costume is something that you wear for entertainment purposes. Since sports are for entertainment purposes (especially for this show), I awarded the girls on the group date points for that. Lace is the only girl that was awarded drunk points because several girls made comments about how drunk she was. That's not to say that there weren't other drunk girls; Lace was just lucky enough to have everyone talk about it.

As it stands now, I'm in first place with 1,895 points, Hillary T. is in second place with 1, 805 points, and there's a three way tie between Kim M., Mandy M., and Jaime M. for third place.

So, I'm leaving this open until next Wednesday. If you have any questions or concerns about the points from any episode, you have until next Wednesday to speak up. After that, the points will be finalized and the award money will be distributed.

Unrelated side note: This is what my house looks like this morning as I'm trying to finish up these recaps, order prizes that STILL haven't been sent, and figure out just how much money is left in the winning prize account. So again, your patience means everything to me.

#perfectben, WTA: Being A Mom Is My Jam

Bachelor Nation:

Is anyone else a little let down by the missed potential here? I was expecting fireworks but I feel like I got stink bombs. What a let down!

This week, I discovered how deeply I despise Amber. She is as fake as fake gets, and I absolutely can't stand listening to her speak. I have a hard time believing that she has any decent friends because she appears to be superficial and passive-aggressive and who wants a friend like that? Speaking of passive-aggressive, did you see the way that her whole I-hate-you demeanor toward Jubilee changed to it's-cool-I-forgive-you as soon as Jubilee said the words "I'm sorry"? Technically, her apology started with the words "I'm sorry IF" which isn't really an apology. I don't know what kind of conversations they all had off-camera, but apparently, it can be fixed really easily by a half-hearted apology. I feel bad for Jubilee because she's a little awkward and she gets in her own way. She should go talk to Lace's shrink about that because from the looks of it, that shrink works WONDERS! Just go home, Amber. You've had 3 chances on this show, and we're kind of over you.

Are you all a little sad about Lace's 180? I wanted her to come back defending her crazy just like Olivia did, but she just kinda caved and sought self-help and ruined it for all of us. I'm not looking forward to her being on Bachelor In Paradise because because I don't think she will add anything worthwhile. Maybe the producers will give that bartender a little something something to get her liquored up. Resurrect the Lace from the first 2 episodes!!!!

Something looked off about Becca. Did she get bad botox?

I don't care for Amanda, but I like the way she tried to defend herself as a mom. Apparently, being a mom is her jam. Prepare yourselves for the explosion of that phrase all over Etsy graphic tees (there are only 2 at the moment and they are both ugly AF).

From the sounds of it, Lace is the only reject from this season that was invited to Bachelor In Paradise. Who else is invited?! I surely hope they bring back some winners, like the Tiara from the last season of the Bachelor. I also hope Leah is there because I just know she'll end up being like that chick from last year that everyone thought was sweet and then turned into such a backstabbing bitch. What was her name? She was beautiful and had long, pretty brown hair.

League Standings:

I'm in first place, but only by 5 points! Hillary T. is right behind me with 1,805 points, and there's a three-way tie for third place between Kim M., Mandy M., and Jaime M. with 1,710 points.

Our random.org winner for this week is Amy W.! I'm working on your prize. I found a cute "Being A Mom Is My Jam" shirt on Instagram, but it's preorder only and I'm confirming the font on the shirt. The one in the picture on her news feed is super cute, but it doesn't match the font in her Etsy picture. I'll email you.

#perfectben, Episode 9: I Love You, Too

Bachelor Nation:

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You all heard what I heard, right? BEN SAID, "I LOVE YOU" to two girls. TWO! I love that Jojo's response was, "Are you allowed to say that?" Probably not, Jojo. And now he's in quite a predicament because he said it to two girls, making each of them believe that they were going to engaged in a few days. One of them is about to get rocked, and Bachelor Nation is going to lose their shit when they watch him try to make this all right with both of them.

My heart absolutely SINKS for Jojo because she's about to get blind-sided. And while that is just tragic, what I'm really dreading is watching her brothers react to that. They are going to have something to say, and I'm sure they will be at the After The Final Rose interviews with some questions on Jojo's behalf. Ben, I hope you have a good publicist preparing you for that.

League Standings:

I'm in the lead this week (WOOHOO!) with 1,725 points, Hillary is right on my tail in second place with 1,710 points, and there's a tie for third place between Selena T., Jessica T., Mandy M., and Kim M. I'm preparing myself for a points audit this season since I'm winning my own league, so if you want to come over and double check my spreadsheets, I'll have wine and cupcakes for you.

I can't WAIT for next week. The WTA is my favorite, and I think this season's is going to be GOOD. I mean, Lace, Olivia, and Leah will all be in one room together! Ugh, the drama...I can't WAIT!!!

Our random.org-chosen winner this week is Jaime M.! Congratulations!!! To celebrate what this week is all about, 2 pairs of sex dice will be delivered right to your doorstep. Because if we're all honest with each other, that's what these fantasy suites are really all about. You've gotta sample the milk before you buy the cow, right?!

#perfectben, Episode 8: #CHAD

NOTE: 

I'd like to dedicate this recap to the former Bachelor LLC budget that has since been transferred to some secret account in the Cayman Islands. Some seasons of the show have unlimited budgets that pay for grand tours of Europe and expensive dates spent dangling from the sides of tall structures, and other seasons seem to be funded directly out of my own checking account. We’ve had too many subpar dates this season in terribly boring places. In Ben's hometown, one date was LITERALLY standing in a field near a barn and flying a kite, then rowing a rickety old pile of firewood around a pond for a couple of laps. If I paid money for this movie, I’d ask for a refund.

Isn’t the whole non-ironic point of this show to be escapist? It’s hard to indulge in the fantasy of finding love in a six-week whirlwind romance when the dates are the kind that I went on in college, where the single goal was: “How can I spend the LEAST amount of money possible and still have a marginally enjoyable time?” Just kidding, I didn’t go on any dates in college. 

Bachelor Nation:

I watched episode 8 so long ago that I can hardly even remember who said what. I couldn't even match a girl to her hometown because this whole episode was like 115 minutes of snoresville and 5 minutes of #CHAD. Somewhere in there, Ben was confronted about his "microwave fame" and I find that term so fitting for this show. These contestants get 45 seconds of fame and allofasudden have 47K Instagram followers. What's up with that? I bust it at work for 8 years and I haven't even come close to 1K and these chicks that do nothing buy cry and say "like" have, like, 29K people wondering what they ate for breakfast and what products they're promoting. It's ridic.

Let's take a moment to acknowledge Caila's dad. For starters, he calls Caila "Darling" when he's speaking to her and I think it's the cutest ever. He just has that "it" factor, doesn't he?! I would love to see a spin off with him in it. And did you see that toy factory?!?! If you know anything about me, you know that I would have had a field day up in there. You mean to tell me there's a place where I can design and then MAKE my own playhouse?! The 5 year old in me just got to excited. Just kidding, the 29 year old in me just got super excited. And by 29 I mean 28...plus 5. Damn, I'm getting old. You know what I admire most about her dad? He basically paid for their entire date, and he was STILL so kind! That's a man that knows when to shut his mouth.

I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of the episode and woke up to #CHAD". What was THAT all about? You know the producers had to be in on that because it was timed too well. Assuming they helped #CHAD plant the roses with impeccable timing, how come they didn't fly him out to the mansion to make a big scene? That would have been worth some points right there. Damn budget cuts! This might be the first hometown date in which the bachelor and the contestant didn't fun across a field to embrace in some G-rated PDA. And don't you love how Jojo tried to convince her family that having that talk brought them closer together? Has that ever worked for you? Have you ever had a convo about an ex that brought you and your crush closer together? 

I can't possibly recap this episode without highlighting Jojo's brothers. Yes, they asked hard questions and were kind of dicks to Ben, but you know what? I think we all want brothers that look out for us like that. One of them asked, "How can you fall in love with someone you've only been on two dates with?" That's a legit question. These two were so direct and level-headed that I spent more time trying to figure out how THOSE THREE KIDS came out as awesome as they did with parents like that. Amiright? Mom's dodging cameras to hit that bottle hard in the kitchen while Dad's out back looking for the stapler.

Did anyone else notice the green carnations at the rose ceremony? What was that all about? These budget cuts must be funding The Bachelor Live. That show is terrible. I stopped watching after the episode with the two weird guys. I cannot STAND the way the people stand around pretending to talk like they don't notice that the cameras are on. It's so lame. 

League standings:

Hillary is still in the lead, and I'm in second place. There's a two-way tie for third place between Selena and Jessica. This week's prize is this fabulous tank:

Congratulations, Selena! Please visit this page HERE and let me know what color and size you'd like.