#perfectben, Episode 5: Whose Weave Is This?

Bachelor Nation:

This week sure was a snoozer, wasn't it?! Part of the reason it's taken me so long to write a recap is because it's extremely difficult to write a recap for a show that contains 50% "like" and 50% semi-substantial words that carry actual meaning. Listening to Amanda speak makes me want to cut my ears off.

I'll make a few brief comments about last week's episode since the next episode is coming up tomorrow. Technically, Becca said, "I love you," to Ben. It was in Spanish, and it was obviously scripted, but she said is and them be the rules. At least she didn't, like, say, "Te, like, amo."

I'd love to know what Jubilee's problem is. We've all put our foot in our mouth at times when we talk to someone we have a big crush on, so I totally get where she is coming from. But she is just a hot mess that doesn't seem to be able to accept love from anyone, and that makes me sad for her. I guess I'd be the same way if I lost my whole family.

Say what you may about Olivia, but homegirl has a meeeeeeean shimmy. Did you see the way she looked at the camera, shimmied, smelled the rose, and then uttered, "Ben." I think she practiced that move before she got there. Sometimes I look at my Keurig, shimmy, smell my freshly-brewed coffee, and utter, "Peet." If you haven't tried the Guatemalan San Marcos medium roast, you're really missing out.

Favorite Quotes:

"I sleep with a retainer, too" -Ben to Lauren H. (Wouldn't you have just DIED if that was you!?)

"Whose weave is this?" -Ben

"I'm no longer the Bachelor. I'm the spatular." -Ben

"I'm a teacher, not a model. The only walking I do is walking my kids out to recess." -Lauren H.

League Standings:

Hollary is in the lead after this week's episode with 935 points, but Karen A/Lea/Amy W are at a close second with 925 points. Kathy is in last place with 520 points, which makes her the winner this week! You won Melissa Roycroft's Bachelor Tell-All book, and since you just live down the street, I want to borrow it when you're done. We all want a book review with the juicy gossip of a scorned stow-away.

NOTE ABOUT NEXT WEEK: There will (likely) be two rose ceremonies tomorrow, so there's an opportunity to earn points twice for the roses category. If your girl gets a rose at the ceremony in the beginning of the episode AND at the ceremony at the end of the episode, she will get a total of 10 points.

Happy watching!